In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
