Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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