I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
