you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
