sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
