grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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