Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
