I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
