i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize