I want to make a zoo with you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
