ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
smell my finger.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
