I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
