wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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