So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
