there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
