The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
