I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
