soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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