if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
