i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my being single is dangerous.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
