Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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