Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize