EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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