Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
