i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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