Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
