dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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