would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
