I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
