I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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