I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
