its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
