I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
