don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
