Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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