remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
