There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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