The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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