She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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