He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
