god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
