I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
