Having a random hookup so left but love u
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
porn star boner night. come get it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
