I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
