I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
