well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
