I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
