i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
