i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
