dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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