Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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