Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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