so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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