never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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