just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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