So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
