You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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