Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
