Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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