I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
