see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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