I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
