***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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