I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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