oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
