I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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