I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize