i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
