Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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