Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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