How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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