He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
