She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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